We know this change is inevitable; seasons change and darkness comes. We know this is all needed to balance and nurture life on earth. Yet, why do we resist and balk when change comes? Why can it be so hard to surrender to what is needed, to what is called for in our lives? Why can it be so hard to nurture ourselves?
In my case, I think I'm a slow learner. For a while now, 8 years to be fair, through Meniere's disease my body has been asking me to slow down, to come to stillness, to let go of the 'pushing, shoving and keep on running'.
Last summer I heard the call loud and clear. I stopped running and took a quiet retreat on Robertson and listened. I heard I had a choice. I could either keep running and be swallowed whole in the storm, or letting go and surrender to find a quiet space of healing.
I thought I was doing the right thing and waited for the break-through in symptoms to free me up to go back to my usual, habitual pattern and lifestyle. I thought giving myself a year would be enough.
Well, life doesn't exactly gives us what we want, but it does give us what we need..... Right?
This was what I knew, this was familiar, this was my habitual pattern and I was happy holding on as moving into the unknown can be pretty scary.
But when the moment came I understood and felt in my core that this illness is something I cannot control; that it comes and goes at random; taking it's toll on me, my family and friends; and when the symptoms came back in full force; something clicked.
The body knows, but it needs time and space of deep relaxation in order to heal.
This past year I slowly but surely ventured into the unknown. This year I'm apparently asked to go further and deeper into this healing space, into the unknown.
It's forcing me to step back even further from the known routines, habits, patterns and schedules and enter the silence.
I'm asked to take care of myself, to nurture myself.
I'm asked to immerse myself in the sacred healing space that I experience through the Gong; through the deeply nurturing, comforting and healing practice of Restorative Yoga and through my art practice.
It seems this is what my soul is asking me to do.
I trust the rest will become clear when it needs to.
Blessings to all,