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Of the Wild Places

1/19/2021

This morning, I stood still
And found myself contemplating this painting

It has been hanging in our bathroom for years now
I enjoy it for it reminds me to remain calm within the storm
That there is a way through the storm

While the painting process was intuitive and without predetermined ideas
To me, the image of a canoe emerged in the right bottom corner
And the image of a big Whale ready to swallow boat and all
Yet on the left I see the image of a breaching White Whale
Pointing towards the door in the dark
To me an image of Hope

Yet today I became aware it is time to change the Painting
It's time for a Change of the Guard

For this image does bring the remembrance of turmoil
It brings the Whirling and Twirling of storms
Both Inner and Outer Storms

And while these storms are very real
I am ready to choose Peace and Calm
I am ready to choose a more quiet Power
I am ready to cultivate this more Consciously

I will start by replacing the Painting
And this brings in a sense of Power

I have the Power
To choose what I am looking at every Day
I have the Power
To choose what I am bringing in each Day
I have the Power
To choose what I am praying for each Day

I will replace this Vertigo Painting
By my painting of Cape Saint James
Which I created shortly after my arrival in Canada

I painted it after Tracy and I kayaked around Kungit Island
And paddled out to Cape Saint James
One of the most wild, untouched islands of Haida Gwaii

This is a Wild Place
We had to paddle really hard to get out there
The tides were pulling and tugging at our kayak
The winds was blowing in funny ways around us
For a moment I thought we might end up drifting into the endless waters to the south

This is a Wild Place
As we approached we could hear this roaring sound above the wind
For the rocks were covered with roaring Sea Lions
This is an impressive sound that goes deep down in one's core
One is left with Awe, Wonder and a deep Respect

This is a Wild Place
This place taught me many Things
This place taught me the Power of Nature
This place taught me the True Power of Water and Wind

It taught me deep Respect
It taught me the true meaning of the word Awe

This is the remembrance I wish to look at each Day
This is the Respect I want to cultivate each Day
This is the Awe I want to experience each Day

Many Blessings
Kiki

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New Years Blessings

1/10/2021

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New Years Blessings with the Light of the Waters

Many Blessings for a Peace-Filled, Love-Filled and Light-Filled New Year

This Morning
As I paddled over in the Dark
The Waters were Calm and Peaceful

Sitting at the Altar of Light,
Meditating on the Light of the Candle
The Light of the Waters is very Present
And I received the Invitation
To connect to the Waters
To go to the Waters Today
To receive the Light Blessings from the Waters

So I invite you
To create some Time and Space
For we received a Call from the Waters
For the Waters would like to Meet and Greet Us
On this New Day of the New Dawn in the New Year

Sit or stand by the Waters
This can be as big as the Ocean
Or as small as a Rain Drop

Allow its Light to Enter
Through the Eyes and Third Eye
Allow its Light to Fill You
To Overflowing

Allow its Light to Flow through your Whole Body
Allow it to Fill you up to Overflowing
Allow it to Flow Into Mother Earth
Stand here and receive the Light
Allow it to Flow

Connect to the Light of the Waters for as long as feels right to You

You may wish to sprinkle some water on your Forehead
You may wish to create more Ritual
You may wish to bring an Intention
You may wish to bring or create an Offering
You may wish to simply stand there for a few minutes

Simply Stand
Connect
To the Light of the Waters

When it feels Complete
Thank the Waters
Bless the Waters
For it’s bringing Sacred Light and Healing to You
And through You to our World

So I thank You
And so I thank the Waters
Many blessings to you All

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December 5 Reflections on Light and Dark

12/5/2020

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December 5
Reflecting on Sinterklaas and Zwart Piet
On Light and Dark

Growing up in the Netherlands December 5th was the highlight of the dark days of December. We did not have Santa Claus coming for Christmas, we would have cozy family dinners instead.

The promise of Sinterklaas coming would fill my heart with anticipation. He usually arrived on a steamer filled with presents in the harbour about two weeks ahead of time. Then he would parade through towns seated on his tall and beautiful white horse surrounded by Zwarte Pieten giving out pepernoten (spiced little hard cookies) and candy.

Sinterklaas would visit my school too and bring his big red book to see if we had all been good and to write down our wishes. We would sing songs and assure him we’d been good children.

At home we would put out our shoes by the hearth and sing fervently each evening before bedtime hoping he would drop something through the chimney during the night.

When December 5th finally arrived -which seemed like an eternity- we would gather at night at my grandparents place and all my aunts and uncles and cousins would gather. We would sing songs and Sinterklaas bringing along one Zwarte Piet would usually make another appearance. Again he’d bring his book and check us all. Zwarte Piet would have his big canvas bag ready for any ‘stoute kinderen’ (naughty children) to take back on the boat to Spain.

Thankfully nobody was ever taken and instead more pepernoten and candy would appear as well as huge bags filled with presents upon their leaving. The presents would all have a handwritten poem on it, written personally by Sint. It would reflect on some part in the receivers life or on the gift. Some poems would be 4 lines, others would be pages long. Now, 40 plus years later I still bring in Dutch pepernoten and presents with poems still arrive.

While sipping on some tea and a candle lit, I reflect on the light and dark that Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet represent.

Saint Nicholas was an actual person born around the year 300 in a place called Myra which is now located in Turkey, but then was part of Greece. He helped poor children by secretly giving them food and sometimes money. He passed away December 6 in the year 342. There are many churches in many countries built in his name.

He may have ridden a white horse at the time, though more likely he’d walk around and built a following perhaps in the same way Jesus did 300 years earlier. Some of these followers became his disciples or helpers, which are now called Zwarte Pieten.

As a child I always assumed Zwarte Piet, which literally translates as Black Peter, was black because of the smudges and soot as he went through the dark and narrow chimneys to deliver us all presents. Now there’s a debate whether or not there was a racial aspect to this. You may research and choose to think as you wish.

I’m interested in the symbolic meaning though, rather than the literal meaning. Which just helps to create a context.

Saint Nicolas with his white beard and white horse obviously represents the light. He is the lighter of the flame of hope and anticipation in a child’s heart, at least he was in mine. Zwarte Piet brings the reflection of the dark and what that represents, the threat of being out in a jute bag and brought to Spain, a country far away from the cozy home and family would fill me with dread and pushed me to behave so that I would not be chosen to go to ‘dark place far away down South’ - by some referred to as ‘hell’.

Yet Zwarte Piet is the one who is willing to descend, in the dark of night, through the narrow, dirty and dark chimney, to bring us candy and gifts in our shoes. How does one rhyme this with the same person filling you with dread?

Ah, the gifts of the Dark, the willingness to go through the dark, uncomfortable places so we may receive the gifts of the Light.

There is no light without the dark
Both encompass everything
The dark swallows the colours of the light
The light radiates and shines the colours of the light
Both contain the whole spectrum

I shall continue to sit with both as we move through these dark days
May we all receive gifts from both ❤️
Kiki

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Teachings from Mr. Menieres in Times of COVID

11/16/2020

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The current state of our society reminds me very much of the journey I have been on with a disease called Menieres for the past ten years.

In 2010 Menieres showed up as an uninvited guest who was screaming constantly in my right ear, sometimes throwing temper tantrums in the form of loud banging on pans, or sounding a shrill flute, chaotic but steady drumming and the always present swooshing wild waves in order to try and get my attention.

When that didn't work he added random bouts of vertigo: dizziness and nausea to make me be still and listen. When vertigo arrives, there is only one thing I can do and that is drop everything I thought I would do and surrender completely until vertigo decides to leave.

To me this sounds a bit like the uninvited guest of COVID and the seemingly random requests and restrictions that are thrown at us. Perhaps all illness, when it arrives, is seen as an uninvited guest.

So as I experienced Mr. Menieres as quite an unpleasant and rather rude guest, I tried everything I could to make him leave. Yes I see Menieres as a 'he', partially as Menieres is referring to an actual person, and as I eventually I started to see the disease as a dance partner.

Well, this grumpy guest was not ready to leave, and the more I resisted and wanted him to leave, the more he was hurt and in turn made me feel miserable. Whatever I tried, it did not seem to work. Sometimes he would ease off a bit reducing his noise a bit and stop throwing his vertigo temper tantrums for a bit, but then at unexpected times, he would come back with what seemed a vengeance.

This angry dance went on for what seemed like an eternity. And boy, did I try to get rid of this dance partner! After 8 years of trying everything I could to make him leave, I surrendered and accepted he would not leave. I even surrendered to the point that I let go of what brings me so much joy: teaching at Sun Studio.

In the surrendering, I found relative peace and stillness on Robertson Island, at the art studio and meditating in nature. With this I created space for Mr. Menieres to come and go as he pleased and perhaps we both learned to dance a bit more of a peaceful dance.

Yet when September came around, for whatever reason, Mr. Menieres came with such increased discomfort that my world became very small. I felt confined to the house as I hadn't been able to go out into nature and to the art studio as much as I had hoped to. I had also hoped I could open Sun Studio again and now I wasn't able to. I actually started to feel desperate and depressed and I blamed Mr. Menieres for it all and went back to the angry and sad pushing dance.

COVID brings a similar experience, doesn't it? We hope to be able to start doing things again, open up our bubbles again, and return to the 'old way' of being. Then the next wave hits and we're back to square one. It can bring a mix of sadness and anger. Yet, the more we focus on it, the more we wish it to go away, the more intense it becomes.

Feeling so desperate, with my mind going in a 100 different directions while my actual movements were restricted in most directions, I realized I was going down in a dark and downward spiral. I came to the conclusion I needed a rescue mission and there was only one direction left. And that was of changing the track of my mind and finding relief in a different way.

Accepting Mr. Menieres and COVID are likely not leaving any time soon, how can we learn to be with them? How can we create more space around us, while our sense of movement is restricted?

As I shared above, I felt the immense difference in my mental environment, as soon as I committed to a 40 day mantra meditation and kundalini yoga practice again. Mantra is a very effective way to lift us out of repetitive negative throughs and change the mental track to a more positive one.

The light it shone on my darkness, through stretching my body and mind, helped me become lighter, more spacious and even though the situation with Mr. Menieres and Covid hasn't changed, I again have found a way to dance with them more at ease.

May the Long Time Sun Shine Upon You
All Love Surround You
And the Pure Light Within Guide Your Way On

Please let me know if I can support you in finding a practice for you to help you through this time with more ease and lightness of mind and body. Don't hesitate to email me and request resources or guidance.

Many blessings of peace, love and light,
Kiki.

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Bear Blessings

9/15/2020

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Yesterday I encountered a big dark Bear, who I startled so much she started running down the trail I was on. At some point she halted and looked back. We locked eyes for a while before she headed off into the bush. I followed in her footsteps and continued along the trail. Yet I came to a halt when I realized I had not offered my thanks. I retraced my steps till I reached the point from where she had jumped and started running.

I gathered 12 red Salal leaves to symbolize the directions, the 12 months, the natural cycles, 6 green Salal leaves to honour the Goddess, Mother Earth and the Stars and many ripe blue Salal berries as an offering of thanks to Bear for showing up on my path.

While I was creating this mandala in honour of Bear, I suddenly heard rustling in the bushes nearby. Then I heard heavy breathing. Apparently I was not the only one who had retraced steps. Instead of jumping and running, I decided to stay and be with the fear. To open my senses further and to be with this majestic Being. I started to breathe with Bear, while she rustled in the leaves while gathering berries. At times she would be silent and my senses heightened, for now I could not see nor hear her. I knew she was still there. Would she come out and attack? Was it time for me to leave? Yet my inner voice told me to stay. At some point my eye caught her dark face amongst the thick bushes, now I knew where she was. I offered her thanks through a mental prayer. Shortly after she saw me and slowly but steadily retreated. Time for me to move again and head on my way down and out the trail.

This experience with Mother Bear deepened my awareness of what I perceive we are called to do at this particular and unique time.
This time is a time of stillness, instead of continuing to run along the path we're on.
It's a time to question why are we running and are we running from anything?
What jumpstarted our run?
Can we retrace our steps and come to terms with the root-cause of our running?
It may be big, it may be dark, it may be scary, but dare we look it into the eye?
Can we allow ourselves to be with the fear?
Can we be with it for a while?
Can we breathe with it for a while?
Can we even be curious about it for a while?
Can we realize we are the ones that startled the other?
Can we realize that the big black thing we're looking at could be just as scared or even more scared than us?
Can we offer our apology for the misunderstanding?
Can we ask for forgiveness for our misunderstanding?
Can we let the object of our fear know we love it?
Can we offer thanks for its gifts, the lessons we learned from it?

I believe this may be our only way through
The way to find light in the dark is to stop running
It is to be with the dark until we see the light
Our bodies and Mother Earth are calling us to do this
Are we listening?
Are we willing?
What if our whole existence depends on it?
What if....

I may have shared this prayer before, but the Ho'oponopono prayer is what surfaced as I walked away from Bear, it repeated over and over in my head. May it serve you too:

I love you
I'm so sorry
Please forgive me
I thank you
I love you
I release you

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Light Writings

Of the Wild Places

New Years Blessings

December 5 Reflections on Light and Dark

Teachings from Mr. Menieres in Times of COVID

Bear Blessings

Sun Studio

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